I do ask for help, from myself first. If one would be interested in something I excel at it would be overthinking.

overthinker

Noun

(plural overthinkers)

1. One who overthinks.

Origin

overthink +‎ -er

Hope this helps. 

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Humor is also one of my traits.

Why do I not see the endgame everyone seems to see? Why does everything that used to make me feel happy, is failing me now? Why am I not complete? Why am I not grateful for having so much more than others? Why do I have goals impossible to achieve? I actually do know the answer to this one. One of my great life philosophies is that you need to strike for gold in order to be content with silver as opposed to drilling for coal. I then moved on to ask others for help. This is when life becomes an English joke because no one understands. Literally. No one. Not even people that go through the same stuff as you because they have their pain and their train of thoughts. Not family, because you are just acting up on account of being spoiled. The kids in Africa don’t have water. Not friends, because they know that something is off with you, but instead, just like most people, they chose to see the fun in you (if you have any). Not a girlfriend/boyfriend because they tried to be patient and supportive, but you are just too high maintenance and it’s grown to be more pain than pleasure. As things start feeling a little more intense you begin to feel scared for/of yourself and move on to more advanced help also known as 24 h suicide prevention hotline. In the 5 minutes I spent browsing their website I have found that they are in desperate need of donations, statistics are showing that the female suicide rate is ridiculously higher than male and that they are looking for volunteers. This little sorrowful adventure only made me realize how truly sad we all are and I came to think that maybe, whatever I am going through is not even that serious and it will probably pass while others definitely need that help. No one wants to be bothered with childish ways, right? In one of these rainy days when your self-destructive plan is coming slowly but surely to fruition you are thinking that maybe you need professional help. Doctors that will prescribe pills that in all reality one would probably use to make the job easier which scares me even more. I am even terrified of getting drunk because I know how it gives me the courage I need to do stupid things and it just might be one of them. “If you feel depressed reach out for help”. I find the irony humoristic to say the least.